Your Kickstarter Sucks

TotalFratMove.com, which is a frat-themed version of that site that has all the fake user-submitted “FML” stories, is trying to make a movie which I assume will be like if someone told the people who make the latter-day American Pie sequels to stop being so highbrow

So Scandock, the $500 scanner that doesn’t actually scan, finished its Kickstarter campaign yesterday. It was an apparent success, raising $106,683 from 79 backers, just beating its $100,000 goal. I am a man of my word, and under normal circumstances, I would be preparing to chop off my own dick as promised.

But here’s what’s strange. According to the Kickstarter page, only 13 backers bought the $479 base model, 24 backers bought the $499 “limited edition”, and a mere 7 backers could scrape together the cash for the $999 “privilege edition”. By my math, that’s 44 backers contributing to a total haul of $25,196 - about a fourth of goal.

HMMMMMMMMMMM

Uhhhh….$22,000 to take a picture of a cat that you could take by putting the cat on a glass table?

Cat-Scans

This, my darling, is the Lazarus Machine.

What about the steampunk?

• Tesla? Check.
• Airships? Check.
• Brass goggles? Check. 

Meth Addict Adam Scott has it all covered.

- Virgil Texas

“The New Business Casual” is a one-piece business suit topper that includes the upper portions of a suit jacket, collared shirt, and tie which covers the shoulders, upper arms, neck, and chest.  It attaches in seconds by a Velcro strap behind the neck.

The New Business Casual

via thosedamnedbees

Product doubles as a toilet seat cover.

iMusic BodyRhythm

It’s an adult onesie for dads to golf and do other dad shit in (stand in the street, holler, rake leaves etc)

TailTux

golfmann14:

tenart:

yourkickstartersucks:

I’m fairly sure I griefed this server like 3 months ago

This is a bit off topic but I play on the Brohoof Minecraft server, and it’s pathetic when you have to go around and brag that you griefed something 3 months ago. 

Also, have a look at this:

Let’s hear about how much our kickstarter sucks, shall we? You son of a bitch.

It sucks to suck don’t it? Probably more money than you’ll ever see you ass prick. It literally takes admins 2 seconds to remove what takes you 10 minutes to think up in that acorn of a brain.

oh my god look at these pissed off bronies

A glaring error only three words into the description of your book?? BZZZZT

Greeting my name is Philip Davis, and this is one my frist pubic illustrated book called Wondering Oliver in ( Those Spell Proof Skates )

FRIST PUBIC

The description, despite its frequent errors, explains that it’s a children’s book about a “Cat Witch”, but then you get to the very first panel of the entire book:

Kitty Which. The first panel of the book, one of the ones he chose to represent the entire thing, has the main character’s name misspelled. If you go to the campaign page and look at the full description you’ll notice dozens and dozens more spelling and grammar errors. It’s like it was done on purpose.

I always feel bad about making fun of terrible Kickstarters for childrens’ books because there’s a sort of innocence and creativity in them that’s completely lacking in the iPhone accessory cash grabs or attempts to make money off the “epic bacon ninja zombie” crowd. This guy has an interesting idea and I can tell he put some amount of effort into it but that just makes it more irritating and heartbreaking — irritating because a worthwhile endeavor is being completely overshadowed by the creator’s ineptitude and refusal to proofread and heartbreaking because you can see right away it won’t get funded. It’s like, come on, the least you can do is run spellcheck on your text-heavy creative work or ask a friend to look it over before asking strangers for $1,000.

Also, why are both of the guy’s websites “gmail.com”. That’s not your damn website

Wondering Oliver Spell Proof Skates

It’s a rope that you strap yourself to a tree with so you can take a shit.

Strap and Crap